This Christmas
by Eat.Pray.Fuqk
Summary: Edward invites Bella to his chaotic family gathering at Christmas. Between his neurotic mother, pessimistic grandparents, his stoner sister and a Emmett how will he survive, but just maybe something good will come out of This Christmas. ExB, AH, One-Shot.


I don't own Twilight, or the Cullens or Christmas, or the song This Christmas, nor do I condone recreational drug use. (I just partake in it ;D) Not nessecarily a song fic, but music did help me write. Enjoy.

* * *

><p><em>Hang on the mistletoe<em>  
><em>I'm gonna get to know you better...<em>  
><em>This Christmas.<em>

"You sure you want to go through with this Bella? Once we walk in... There's no turning back." I asked her once more. "Edward, your family can't be that bad." She smiled at me. God her gorgeous smile, I wanted to kiss those lips. Instead, I made a mental note of all the escape routes in my house.

I met Bella, at Dartmouth during a social mixer for our photography club, turns out we were both in the same pre-med courses. We immediately hit it off, not romantically of course. We're both emotionally stunted with abandonment issues. Her mother said she was going to the store and left her with her dad when she was six. My parents left me in a church when I was five months old.

The Cullens adopted me when I was 10 months old, since then Carlise and Esme have been mom and pa. Emmett and Alice have been my sister and brother. If I did find my parents it wouldn't make a difference because they're a non factor in my life... They don't matter. After I told Bella about my parents however she said she'd give my dad a crotch kick and slap my mom for giving up such an 'awesome' kid.

"Can we skip this and go get a cup of strong black coffee?" I asked Bella again who was picking at her sweater sleeves. She huffed and got out of the rental going to the trunk. I silently prayed before getting out myself. "Well well well. Look who finally got out of the car! NERD ALERT!" My eyebrows furrowed and my cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

"Why is that guy on the roof?"

"That's Emmett, the brother I told you about."

"That's 'The Emmett? I expected him to be... Shorter." She said trying to hide her smile. "Nice save." I grumbled getting the presents out of the car. She closed the trunk and her shyness overcame her I noticed her lingering behind me. "Bella my mom and sister will love you, there are two friends for you right there." I flashed her my smile and she came out her shell a bit.

I opened the door and I heard the pitter patter of dog feet on the floor. "Oh Edward puppies!" Bella cried from beside me sitting her armful of presents on the chair next to the door and getting on her knees to play with the dogs. I moved forward into the living room. My grand father was sitting in his chair next to the fire.

"Hello sir." I said politely. "Well, I see you found an excuse to be lazy. A phone call would have been sufficient." He said stiffly. Bella came in behind me carrying one of the dogs. "Well, another lazy one. Who might you be?" He asked Bella. "Isabella Swan sir." She said politely sitting the dog down and holding her hand out, he cringed and nodded curtly. "Right, don't slack off on a count of it being Christmas. Your studies should still come first."

"There are no classes the week before Christmas. This is the first time I've been home in half a year." I muttered. "Don't start with your lies Edward!" He yelled at me. "Edward Masen! Don't you dare yell at him!" My grandmother yelled. "Hi Nana..." I said softly. She came up and hugged me before noticing Bella. "Hello there dear, I'm Elizabeth. You can call me Nana." She told Bella hugging her as well.

"Oh, thank you ma'am. I'm Isabella, but just call me Bella."

My grandmother wrinkled her nose and I knew she was about to get started. "Well, Isabella is a bit more adult, but I suppose Bella is alright. There are snacks in the kitchen you two." She said as she turned towards the kitchen. Bella mouthed 'are you serious?' To me as I sat our presents under the tree. I shrugged and continued stacking the presents.

We both silently counted to three before walking into the kitchen. The first thing I noticed was my sister walking around the front of the oven. "Hey Alice." I waved. She walked over to me and hugged me never taking her eyes off the oven. "Hey Edward bro!" Jasper waved at me. I frowned, wondering why she was still with this stoner surfer douche. "Your girlfriend's smoking hot."

Bella blushed and rubbed her cheeks. "She's not my-" I started but my mother came in. "Edward! Oh Carlise! He's here!" My mom ran and hugged me as tight as she could. "Yes I'm here." I smiled hugging her, her warmth surrounded me. "Hi ma." I said as she finally pulled away. As she noticed Bella the look on her was priceless. "Carlise! He bought a woman! He bought a girl home!" She pushed past me and hugged Bella.

"I heard you the first time woman!" My dad hissed at her. She just scoffed and led Bella over to the kitchen table excitedly. "Alice get away from that oven and come meet Edward's girlfriend those brownies will be fine!" My mom hissed. "She's not my-" I tried to say before my huge brother Emmett scooped me up into a hug.

"Way to go Eddie! She looks like a keeper."

"She's not my-"

"Honestly Em be a bit more quiet next time. Your grandparents berated me."

"Sorry Rosie." Em said dejectedly. I chuckled at him silently. "Well, I'm hungry!" Emmett said. My grandfather came into the kitchen, "Feed the boy Esme. A boy big as him needs nourishment." He stated. "He'll eat with the rest of us when the food is ready." My dad told him. "Don't you get snippy with me Carlise."

"Bella can I talk to you?" I asked nodding my head towards the living room. She nodded and slipped out of my mom's grasp. I opened the swinging door for her and nodded at everyone before letting it go. "Time for plan H, you get the presents. I'll get our shoes and try to get the car started. Then we'll go to Seattle and we'll get coffee and baked goods and sleep in the car." I whispered to her as I started moving to the front door to get her shoes.

"Edward... It's not bad. Honestly, I like your mom she smells like a mom. Everyone else is fine. It's all fine." She said grabbing onto my hand. I raised my other hand and cupped her cheek. She smiled at me and her eyes began shining. This is what I loved her for. "Bella..." I said softly. "Yes Edward?" She responded. "I... Lo-" I started but I heard the door bang.

"CARLISE THEY'RE UNDER THE MISELTOE!"

I looked over and saw my mom, Jasper and my grandma all huddled under the doorway with cameras. "Leave them alone! They obviously didn't want to be seen Esme." I heard my dad yell with a sigh. "Don't talk to them like that! This is a special moment Edward actually did something right." My grandfather yelled. Bella started chuckling and put her face against my chest to hide it, earning serveral 'aws' from the peanut gallery.

Emmett came down the front staircase and slapped his big bear paw onto my back I hissed in pain. "Why?" I asked trying to rub it. "It's time for our 2 on 2 football game. Change out of those pansy ass clothes and put on your big boy clothes." He said walking between Bella and I. She shrugged and walked back to the kitchen.

After changing my clothes I wanted to do nothing more than stay inside and drink hot chocolate, and watch A Christmas Story on VHS. Emmett, my dad and douchey stoner (which I have now dubbed Jasper.) Had other plans. As soon as I opened the door I was pelted with snowballs. "Very funny." I said rolling my eyes.

"Yeah it was!" Jasper said holding his hand up for a high five. "You smell like illegal things." I hissed at him. "Edward, come be on my team." My dad said waving me over. I jogged to the other side of the yard and looked up onto the deck. Bella was helping my mother with the grill, she looked over at me and flashed her smile with a wink. My plan was to smile back until the ball hit me in my eye, and Emmett tackled me.

"Oh my God!" Bella screamed. I could hear people running towards me I opened my eye to see Em's body on top of mine. "That was a good tackle dude." I heard Jasper say as he helped Emmett up. "Yeah, it was pretty good." My dad said patting him on the back. I let out groans as I tried to sit up. Bella pushed me back down. "Edward did you hit your head? Follow my finger with your eyes!" She waved her finger in front of my eyes.

She pulled a small flashlight out of her pocket and shined it in my eyes. "I thought we weren't gonna be doctors on Christmas! You can't use that." I said grabbing for it. "I'm checking you for a blown pupil!" She said pulling back, soon we were wrestling in the grass. "Ahem..." My dad cleared his throat. "If you want alone time with your girlfriend we'll be happy to leave you two to it." He told me.

"Oh for the love of God, she's not my-" I said quickly.

"Boys! Alice made brownies for everyone!"

"Alright, brownies!" Emmett yelled running back towards the house. I looked over at Jasper who was pale. "Is her cooking still that bad?" I asked jokingly. He ran towards the house slowly. "Come on." I muttered helping Bella to her feet. When we walked into the kitchen it was chaos. "Mom, they're special brownies for Jasper." Alice said trying to get the brownies away from my mom. Emmett already had a big hunk in his mouth.

"Jasper can share his special brownies. Right Jasper?" She asked him. He looked like he wanted to go hide. "I can share dude, but I'm not sure you dudes can handle the brownies." He said. "Mary Alice Cullen you let go this instant!" My mother yelled. 'Mary?' Bella mouthed to me. I rubbed my cheeks to try and stop blushing.

Alice let go of the pan and my mom slammed it onto the counter top. "Jesus." She said as she cut them and put them on paper plates. I shrugged and picked one up taking a huge bite out of it. They tasted good and harmless. "These are delicious! Can I have the recipe?" Bella asked Alice who was only picking at the brownie on her plate. "Sure... Mom, no don't gives Gramps and Nana brownies." Alice said covering her face. My mother rolled her eyes. "Honestly don't be so modest. They're good brownies." Nana said taking a big bite out of her brownie. "Oh God." Alice said.

"The meat's off the grill so we can eat soon as the table is set." My dad said. We all hummed in agreement. I took Bella into the dining room to see if we could do anything. After ten minutes though I noticed something was off with Bella. I kept having to go back and fix things after her. "Did you see that?" She yelled excitedly. "See what?" I asked. "Never mind, I was seeing with my brains so you wouldn't see it." She muttered going towards the living room, I watched her take a seat on the couch so I shrugged it off and finished setting the table.

Emmett and my dad bought the turkey and ribs while my mom and Alice bought the side dishes. Everybody else started coming and sitting down next to their person of choice. I noticed Bella getting more and more distant. "I could eat this whole table. Anybody else could eat this whole table of food?" My mom said. Everyone made a move to dig in but my grandfather stopped us.

"Somebody say grace."

"I'll do it!" I yelled a bit too loudly. "Was that loud? I'm sorry I just wanted to say grace, I'll say it." I said quickly. Everybody slowly stood up and joined hands. "Okay go, Dear Heavenly Father..." I started saying, but Bella started laughing beside me. "Heathen! He bought home a heathen!" My grandmother cried out making Bella laugh even harder.

"What?" I said looking up from the delicious food, I didn't close my eyes during our prayer was I going to hell. "Oh my god. She's possessed!" Gramps yelled. I chuckled as I watched them panic Emmett shrugged his shoulders and was talking to himself as he filled up his plate along with Rose's. "Anybody ever seen those commercials about the dogs? Anybody else feel dirty when they don't donate?" My mom asked.

Bella was laughing so hard her cheeks were bright red with tears coming out of her eyes. She'd never looked so funny. "Bella I love you." She abruptly stopped laughing and looked at me. "I love you too Edward." She said slowly before she started laughing again. "The brownies had weed in them!" Alice yelled standing up. "What?" My mom asked looking up quickly. "Mom that didn't hurt your neck?" I asked reaching out towards her. "No I'm fine." She said shaking her head before nodding.

I looked back down at the turkey before slicing it slowly. "When did I pick up a knife and fork?" I asked myself out loud. "The brownies had pot in them? Oh, ah!" My grandma asked screaming as she ran out of the back down. We heard her screaming "The brownies are contaminated!"

"Grandma's in a tree!" Emmett yelled. We all rushed (as best as we could being as impaired as we were.) Outside into the yard were sure enough grandma was about nine feet off the ground. My dad grabbed the hammer and ran outside hitting the tree bark before yelling up at my grandma. "Mom, are you uh coming down!" He yelled chuckling. Bella was on the soggy ground beside me laughing her brains out.

"I'll only come down if you let go of the hammer!" She screamed at us. He shrugged and threw the hammer which hit the garage door putting a huge dent in it. "Ouch." My mom said looking at it. "The hammer's gone ma! Come down!" He yelled again. "Oh, okay." She said climbing down. "You need some help Nana?" Jasper called up. He tried to start climbing up the tree, my dad stopped him so he ripped off his shirt and tried to bum rush my dad.

Emmett let out a terrified scream and ran back into the house. "There's an animal over there!" Rose yelled. My dad picked up the hammer that hit the garage and threw it into the bushes. A rabbit ran out, but they must have seen something else. Everybody except me and Bella ran back into the house hysterically. She pulled me down to sit next to her.

"Edward, I love you and your family." She said her cheeks still bright red from laughing. "You love me? Like a, like a friend or a brother? That's okay too." I stammered out. "Edward... Stop worrying." She said leaning forward and kissing me. I kissed back with a smile. Less than a year later, Bella and I were married. I guess I can thank this Christmas for that...

* * *

><p>So what'd you guys think criticism is helpful just don't flame me, don't forget to review. Merry Christmas! P.S. If I get enough requests I'll do a follow up and maybe make this into a two-shot but you gotta review. So do it hit the button!<p> 


End file.
